why.

i am so upset and frustrated with this town we call rexburg. i am not what they want. i dont belong. i tried to bloom. i wilted . i am so insanley upset and frustrated and ughhhhh. i wish that i was different so i could go and leave and fly away and go. i i want to run! fml. this always happens i want to runnnnn away!! jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjaaaaaaaaaaaaaajjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

iamthankfulforreflection

why do these things happen to me. I hate thisfeeling of uncertainty. of being  fake. of holding grudges. I dont feel like i should hold a grudge against kelsey, but how can i  trust her anymore. What does someone to lie to me about things like that. why! ughh. i wish i was in new york with davila. I wish i was more happy. I need to find a good place in my heart that i could blow up so much! i am a happy person. i know i am. I need to find me again.

iamthankfulforfood.

i am in such a weird mood. i cant even be myself. i want to go home. i miss my bed and my hot room and my moms hugs and i miss my brother. I wish i wasnt acting like this but i cant help but be annoyined at the facct that i dont fit in.  i see ppl that i think i could fit in with but idk how to approch them or if i will even be liked. i want to cry. i need a big hug from my mom.

Imthankfulforfate.

What in the world. I am so stressed when i shouldnt be. college is def not what i expected it to be. why. i cant meet ppl like myself, but idk if that is gods plan or not. maybe i just have to go with the flow of thins. I mean try, but just let them happen. I wish i was really yoda. Oh dear. i had a deep convo with my roomate she is super sweet. i think that i really need to be grateful for the things in my life. Like my dad said today, i can breathe eat and walk so im good.I wish i was as grateful as him. You know what ben isnt for me because i need someone to care about things and love things and work hard for things. I need someone who dosent always procrastinate someone to pushes me to do the right things, someone who makes me want to do the right things. i need a guy who loves me enough to never want to love someone else. I am truely blessed to be where i am today. to have the temple so close and to have great ppl who lovethe lord around me. I really could be so messed up right now. i have had so many oportunities to just have sex or smoke pot but i didnt. i have done things that the lord wont approve of but i can repent and be forgiven. I love the lord and i trust him to guide me in the right direction everyday of my life. If i am doing my part he will be doing his. i am blessed.

Thankfulforme.

Is it to cocky to say that I love me. I really do..I never thought I ever would but now I do. I really don't know what has stemmed this miracle of a sentence but I am happy it did. I don't like me because I have nice eyes or good hair, but because I am kind and do think of what others feelings are. I have realized that saying "NO" should not be in my vocab. Obviously in the most simplest way like chores or disrespecting my parents. I like to be happy and only people who surround themselves with happy people can have become it themselves. I am so very intrigued at this thought of being happy, like what does it mean? how do you achieve this impossible dream we truly wish for? easy i think, its just to love yourself. Because half the reasons you hate the things around you is because of the insecurities you have of your own. So if you reversed them you'd be half way there.

Thankfulforthesimplethings.

Iamsoanxious.

I can not wait to get to school, but im a tad scared...igues thats the word. I just want it to be the best experience ever... ya know. I am trying my best on my part to make it really good, but idk if it will be enough. uggghhhh I hate not knowing. I feel as though everything i thought i wanted and needed in my life i didnt really care for... But if i have no real wants is that good??? i mean i have wants like to do good in school, and i know that that will make me happy but what else. i guess to be fit... and just to be happy. i guess it is that simple.

 I want to be happy.

Thankfulforguidance.

Yay! I'm super excited about this blog!!!!

I have always wanted to start one,well here we go.

I want to start a rule that every title will say what I am thankful for that day.

All I have been doing is working and sleeping and checking my emails. So utterly lame. I need to do something more productive like clean my room or paint my nails or write a letter. The funny thing is, is that i always think these things on the way to my room then stop and turn around... I'm almost telling my self that I forgot something down stairs but I really didn't. Almost like when your talking to someone you really down want to and you blurt out "man got to go to the bathroom Ill be right back!" but never really return:)) Poor room. oh well.

I am counting down the days till  I am in Idaho. Many people I talk to about this cant grasp how excited I am to go to the potato state:)) Well gladly I will be with people my age unlike work were I'm either talking to someone about high school drama and AP homework or not being talked to at all. I am being very productive in this category though!  I have a budget plan and a detail list of things that must get done before I leave. I am just hoping that all  my hard work will not be disappointed. I know that not all things can work out but lots of them better! wishing 9 weeks will come faster:)