why.

i am so upset and frustrated with this town we call rexburg. i am not what they want. i dont belong. i tried to bloom. i wilted . i am so insanley upset and frustrated and ughhhhh. i wish that i was different so i could go and leave and fly away and go. i i want to run! fml. this always happens i want to runnnnn away!! jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjaaaaaaaaaaaaaajjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

iamthankfulforreflection

why do these things happen to me. I hate thisfeeling of uncertainty. of being  fake. of holding grudges. I dont feel like i should hold a grudge against kelsey, but how can i  trust her anymore. What does someone to lie to me about things like that. why! ughh. i wish i was in new york with davila. I wish i was more happy. I need to find a good place in my heart that i could blow up so much! i am a happy person. i know i am. I need to find me again.

iamthankfulforfood.

i am in such a weird mood. i cant even be myself. i want to go home. i miss my bed and my hot room and my moms hugs and i miss my brother. I wish i wasnt acting like this but i cant help but be annoyined at the facct that i dont fit in.  i see ppl that i think i could fit in with but idk how to approch them or if i will even be liked. i want to cry. i need a big hug from my mom.

Imthankfulforfate.

What in the world. I am so stressed when i shouldnt be. college is def not what i expected it to be. why. i cant meet ppl like myself, but idk if that is gods plan or not. maybe i just have to go with the flow of thins. I mean try, but just let them happen. I wish i was really yoda. Oh dear. i had a deep convo with my roomate she is super sweet. i think that i really need to be grateful for the things in my life. Like my dad said today, i can breathe eat and walk so im good.I wish i was as grateful as him. You know what ben isnt for me because i need someone to care about things and love things and work hard for things. I need someone who dosent always procrastinate someone to pushes me to do the right things, someone who makes me want to do the right things. i need a guy who loves me enough to never want to love someone else. I am truely blessed to be where i am today. to have the temple so close and to have great ppl who lovethe lord around me. I really could be so messed up right now. i have had so many oportunities to just have sex or smoke pot but i didnt. i have done things that the lord wont approve of but i can repent and be forgiven. I love the lord and i trust him to guide me in the right direction everyday of my life. If i am doing my part he will be doing his. i am blessed.